God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to
better serve your needs, God asks that you take a few moments to answer
the following questions.
Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely
confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address
unless
you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.
1. How did you find out about your deity?
__ Newspaper
__ Bible
__ Torah
__ Television
__ Book of Mormon
__ Divine Inspiration
__ Dead Sea Scrolls
__ My Mama Done Tol' Me
__ Near Death Experience
__ Near Life Experience
__ National Public Radio
__ Tabloid
__ Burning Shrubbery
__ Other (specify): _____________
2. Which model deity did you acquire?
__ Yahweh
__ Father, Son & Holy Ghost [Trinity Pak]
__ Jehovah
__ Jesus
__ Krishna
__ Zeus and entourage [Olympus Pak]
__ Odin and entourage [Valhallah Pak]
__ Allah
__ Satan
__ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature
__ None of the above, I was taken in by a false god
3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working
order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?
__ Yes __ No
If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here.
Please indicate all that apply:
__ Not eternal
__ Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire cosmos
__ Not omniscient
__ Not omnipotent
__ Not infinitely plastic (incapable of being all things to all
creations)
__ Permits sex outside of marriage
__ Prohibits sex outside of marriage
__ Makes mistakes (Geraldo Rivera; Paul Iannone)
__ Makes or permits bad things to happen to good people
__ When beseeched, does not stay beseeched
__ Requires burnt offerings
__ Requires virgin sacrifices
4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a deity?
Please check all that apply.
__ Indoctrinated by parents
__ Needed a reason to live
__ Indoctrinated by society
__ Needed focus in whom to despise
__ Imaginary friend grew up
__ Wanted to know Jesus in the Biblical sense
__ Hate to think for myself
__ Wanted to meet girls/boys
__ Fear of death
__ Wanted to piss off parents
__ Needed a day away from work
__ Desperate need for certainty
__ Like Organ Music
__ Need to feel Morally Superior
__ Thought Jerry Falwell was cool
__ Shit was falling out of the sky
__ My shrubbery caught fire and a loud voice commanded me to do it
5. Have you ever worshipped a deity before? Is so, which false god
were
you fooled by?
Please check all that apply.
__ Mick Jagger
__ Cthulhu
__ Baal
__ The Almighty Dollar
__ Bill Gates
__ Left Wing Liberalism
__ The Radical Right
__ Ra
__ Beelzebub
__ Barney T.B.P.D.
__ The Great Spirit
__ The Great Pumpkin
__ The Sun
__ Elvis
__ Cindy Crawford
__ The Moon
__ A burning shrubbery
__ Other: ________________
6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition
to God? Please check all that apply.
__ Tarot
__ Lottery
__ Astrology
__ Television
__ Fortune cookies
__ Ann Landers
__ Psychic Friends Network
__ Dianetics
__ Palmistry
__ Playboy and/or Playgirl
__ Self-help books
__ Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll
__ Biorhythms
__ Alcohol
__ George Bush
__ Tea Leaves
__ EST
__ CompuServe
__ Mantras
__ Jimmy Swaggert
__ Crystals (not including Crystal Gayle)
__ Human Sacrifice
__ Pyramids
__ Wandering around a desert
__ Insurance policies
__ Burning Shrubbery
__ Barney T.B.P.D.
__ Barney Fife
__ Other:_____________________
__ None
7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the
balanced level of felt presence and blind faith.
Which would you prefer (circle one)?
a. More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don't know...what's Divine Intervention?
8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and
miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the
following:
b. Miracles:
rescues 1 2 3 4 5
spontaneous remissions 1 2 3 4 5
stars hovering over jerkwater towns 1 2 3 4 5
crying statues 1 2 3 4 5
water changing to wine 1 2 3 4 5
walking on water 1 2 3 4 5
VCRs that set their own clocks 1 2 3 4 5
Saddam Hussein still alive 1 2 3 4 5
getting any sex whatsoever 1 2 3 4 5
9. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the
quality of God's services?
(Attach an additional sheet if necessary):
If you are able to complete the questionnaire and return it to one of
our conveniently located drop-off boxes by July 30 you will be entered
in the One Free Miracle of Your Choice drawing (chances of winning are
approximately one in 6.023 x 10 to the 23rd power, depending on number
of beings entered).
Die wêreld is 'n ronde bol,
van binne is hy hol.
En in die middel, vol gevare,
lê die Land van Wol en Hare !
Onder is bo
en agter voor -
dit is alles baie snaaks.
Ons het dit al verander,
en dit bly nog altyd so
in die Land van Wol en Hare.
Die son skyn snags
- die maan bedags,
raak is altyd mis.
Laag is hoog en
kom is gaan -
En as jy loop
dan bly jy staan
in die Land van Wol en Hare.
Verkeerd is reg,
goed is sleg
en soet is baie bitter,
maar swart is wit
en swarter baie witter.
As jy opstaan, bly jy sit
in die Land van Wol en Hare.
Jonk is oud,
warm is koud
en 'n myl is twee myl lank.
Die waens is sonder wiele
en die huise is van plank
in die Land van Wol en Hare.
Die mense kan wel lag en sing
en hulle dans te mooi in pare.
Maar niemand sê 'n woord nie -
hulle gesels net met gebare
in die Land van Wol en Hare.
Die mense speel kalbaskitare
en werk in die akkers met houtploegskare.
Hulle eet net
pap -, sop -, waternat beetblare
in die Land van Wol en Hare.
Die seuns werk stekies met tolbosgare,
en af en toe met wol.
Die meisies draai tabaksigare
van ou verlepte taaibosblare
en saans speel hulle tol
in die Land van Wol en Hare.
Gelofte
(Nederlands)
Mijne Broeders en Mede-landgenoten,
hier staan wij tans op een ogenblik voor een
heilige God van Hemel en aarde om een
belofte aan Hem te beloven,
als Hij met Zijn bescherming met ons zal
wezen, en onze handen zal
geven dat wij hem overwinnen, dat wij die
dag en datum elk jaar
als en verjaardag en een dankdag zoals een
Sabbat in Zijn eer zullen doorbrengen;
en dat wij een tempel to Zijn eer stichten
zullen, waar het Hem zou behagen;
end dat wij het ook aan onzen kinderen
zullen zeggen, dat zij met ons erin moeten
delen, tot gedachtenis ook voor onze
opkomende geslachten.
Want de ere van Zijn Naam daardoor zal
verheelikt worden, dat de roem en eer van
overwinning
aan Hem zal worden gegeven.
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.816 / Virus Database: 554 - Release Date: 14/12/2004
I am Zimbabwean but most of my family are South African and speak
Afrikaans. I can speak english fluently, very good french and a tiny
bit on Ndebele but are wanting to learn Afrikaans to make it easier for
me to communicate with my Afrikaans family and I was hoping that maybe
somebody on this site would be able to supply me with some basic
words/phrases and maybe some tutoring through e-mail? I am currently
living in the UK and the only book I have been able to get my hands on
is an "Engels-Afrikaans Wooerdbooke" which was written in about 1907 so
is all old-fashioned and much of it is now not used or different. In
return I can offer to tutor french.
Please reply to silvoisagay...@hotmail.com if you can help.
Asseblief, Jono
By Dullstroom is daar 'n area wat bekend staan as Tonteldoos, bestaande uit
80 klein plase.
Die mense daar sit nou met 'n dilemma: Hulle kan baie geld maak deur hul
eiendom te verkoop aan besighede wat graniet myn - omdat die graniet daar
van besonder hoë gehalte is, en ook 'n skaars soort is,wat veral in die
Ooste in die boubedryf gesog is.
Die ander sy van die saak is dat die area ook oor ernstige bedreigde spesies
plante beskik, 391 soorte voëls kom daar voor, asook uites skaars soorte
skoenlappers.
Sodra die mynbedrywighede op groot skaal begin, sal die waarde van die
eiendom van die oorblywende eienaars drasties verminder.
Vanaf 'n ander kol:
'n Krismis message vir al my brasse
MERRIE KRISMIS
Merrie krismis
Heppie nuwejaar
Suip versigtag
En hou jou hare bymekaar
Groetnis byrrie hys
Hou lekka paartie
En braaivleis,
Groetnis virrie taanie
en al die laities
Se vi ma '' I love u"
En vi derra the message is vi hom oek
Se vi coussie,ons stiek
Soes masels yt
Om die big days te celebrate
En , kykie ,
Loep wys jou gavriet byrrie kerk
Doen tog 'n slag
Die Jirre se werk
Se virrie Father,
"Thenk U" virrie jaar
Want jou lewe is darem nog bymekaar!!
En loep koep die prasentjies in tyd
Anners soek djy net moellegeit
Moetie te veel suipie
dat djy moet hystoe krypie
En as die mew klop
Skink vi my oek n dop
Hou jou dinges in jou broek
voordat djy moellegeit soek
Merrie Krismis en Groetnis
Hou lekka paarties ,
Pieknieks en braaivleis
En iet jou poeding byrrie hys
Ok Goebaai
Ons Ko maak Krismis 'n draai!!!
--
Groetnis
Annette
Life is uncertain - eat dessert first
ann...@ctnet.co.za
O dapper kindjie van jare heen,
het julle ook Kersfees gevier?
Met bonte blomme en sterre-reën
'n wilde klein boompie versier?
Vanuit die laer klink daar 'n lied;
eerbiedig kniel hul neer.
O Heer, laat hier u wil geskied,
skenk liefde en vrede hul weer.
O kinders van die veld so wyd,
wat het jul vir Kersfees gekry?
'n Lap-pop mooi met kappie wat tuit,
'n waentjie met ossies van klei.
Vir Jesus sal julle dit graag wou skenk,
maar skenk jul lewens teer.
Met Kerstyd wil ons dan gedenk,
jul offers met liefde waardeer.
Lees dat die statistieke wys dat die kans dat 'n blanke vrou se bloed met
Vigs besmet is, 3 kanse uit 'n 100 000 is. Blanke mans is iets soos 9
kanse uit 'n 100 000 en dat die gebruik van swart mense se bloed die kanse
dat jy Vigs daardeur gaan optel dit opstoot na 65 kanse uit 'n 100 000. Sê
mos die heeltyd dat hierdie bloot 'n praktiese probleem is wat niks te doene
het met die politiek of rassisme nie. 'n Dokter het 'n eed gesweer om die
beste vir sy pasiënte te doen en as daai beste beteken net om lae
risiko-bloed te gebruik, dan is dit so.
Boer sê vir Jonas: Ai Jonas, jy werk stadig, jy eet stadig, jy
loop stadig,
is daar iets wat jy vinnig doen??
Jonas sê: Ish ek word vinnig moeg ...
--
Groetnis
Annette
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