Ek sal nou nie probeer om hierdie verhaal te vertaal nie This is brilliantly written and I think this guy should be knighted, >> whoever he is!!! >> >> This morning, yours truly, decided to sneak in a pinch of top-secret and >> highly professional canoe training at Emmerentia dam, before the first >> farts >> of sparrows could escape their imprisoning sphincters, and even before >> the >> glories-of-mornings of most non-gay South African men could rise to view >> the >> possible prospects of 'before work' swims. >> >> Yep, I was up and onto that little patch of water before sunrise, >> tearing >> around it at record-breaking pace, sneaking in a wee bit of pre-Duzi >> training, in order to wrestle the crown away from the well slow and soft >> Martin Dreyer (present Duzi champion, for those of you not in the >> intellectual canoe mix) next time around. Anyway, the details of my >> incredible canoe talent are not up for discussion here, but rather what >> happened on my drive home after the session, in rush hour traffic, and >> in >> particular, on Jan Smuts Avenue near to the Old Parktonian sports club >> around 8am. >> >> I was happily chilling in my car, cruising along at about 60kph,in >> pretty >> much bumper-to-bumper traffic, with nobody going anywhere any faster, it >> was >> simply not an option. Well, not an option for anyone with a brain, with >> an >> ounce of logic within their crania, with a drop of sense inside the >> membranes of their cerebral hemispheres. You'd think that a creature >> without >> a brain would equate to a fly or less, a category that includes >> mosquitoes, >> stones, anvils and . taxi drivers. Yep,enter Sipho"I'm a dickhead >> without a >> brain cell" Nshlovo, driver of a Toyota Hiace* 4 wheels, 1 brake pad, no >> lights, half a steering wheel, about 30 people inside and 3 >> masking-taped >> windows, yep, standard issue for a South African taxi driver. >> >> He had more than likely participated in the demonstration march last >> month >> with hundreds of other taxi driver idiots protesting about having had >> their >> 'vehicles' impounded for not being roadworthy, the rocket-scientists >> couldn't understand what wasn't roadworthy about a taxi with a bobejaan >> spanner for a steering wheel, or one without brakes (they reckon a >> handbrake >> is just as good as the foot brake pedal). Anyway, my mate Sipho decided >> things weren't flowing fast enough for him, so started weaving in and >> out of >> the traffic, arm hanging out of his window like a baboon's tail hanging >> from >> its ringpiece (I'm certain his armpit smelt like a baboon's ringpiece as >> well, he was sweating like Bruce Fordyce's crack after 90km's on the up >> run >> of the Comrades). >> >> I heard this aeronautical engineer-like taxi driver coming from about 5 >> cars >> back, because everyone was hooting and slamming on brakes to avoid the >> accident that he was trying his damndest to cause. After he narrowly >> missed >> the back of my canoe as he swerved in behind me, I made a stubborn >> little >> vow that he DEFINITELY wouldn't be cutting in front of me like that, and >> so >> began the fun and games. The bum-wart first tried the standard tactic of >> intimidation, just gradually cutting me off, in the typical "you'd >> better >> slow down and let me in, or I'll crash into you" method. Well, I used >> the >> typical "Fack you faeces-brain" tactic, with one hand on the hooter, the >> other pointing straight at him, with my foot firmly on the accelerator, >> until he backed down like Mike Catt had done in 1995 when Jonah Lomu ran >> straight over him. This had a snowball effect, which had me chuckling >> the >> whole way back to my humble abode. Syphilis-face then decided to put all >> his >> well acquired driving skill to the test, and adopted the smartest >> technique >> of them all, the "Eish, I weel ovah-take on the wrong side" method, one >> that >> sadly has caused numerous accidents in the past, including the untimely >> death of one of our awesome mates, Mike Short, a year ago. >> >> This made old Maccatini madder than a spitting cobra, with a red hot >> cactus >> lodged up its rectum. No skin off the facking taxi drivers nose, he just >> accelerated more, and tried to cut in front of the double-cab in front >> of >> me, this after he had hooted at me and showed me a middle finger >> accompanied >> with a few swearwords, something that made me want to beat him harder >> than >> Campbell hit the boy who stabbed him repeatedly with a pen all those >> years >> ago! >> >> Well, the fella in front of me had obviously also been observing the >> proceedings, and likewise refused to let Sipho Dickdribble Nshlovo in, >> so >> the acceleration by the monkey continued, while he tried his hardest to >> outstare the double-cab driver. Sadly for the nuclear physicist, the >> emergency lane was shortly going to end, with a solid stone pavement to >> mark >> its ending. More sadly for him was the fact that he, and his 30-odd >> passengers were all trying their damndest to "intimidate by staring" >> myself >> and the double-cab man, instead of watching the road ahead something >> that >> most brain-owners do when driving). >> >> I saw it coming, and was smiling my full-tusk smile even before they >> hit!! >> >> Anal-bum-wart hit that pavement at about 70kph, 31 passengers bumped >> their >> heads on the roof of the hi-ace in poetic unison, adding an extra 31 >> dents >> to the already-facked minibus, and the two front wheels were ripped off >> the >> chassis as the bus slid to a delightful halt. >> >> Thankfully no passengers were hurt, which made it the most fantastic >> thing >> to witness, sadly though, Sipho, arm still hanging out of the window, >> was >> also unscathed. However, his car was more facked than that prostitute at >> PE >> harbour named Deloris, and his mood was somewhat down-trodden. I hooted >> and >> made sure he got the full-frontal of my biggest-ever super smile, as did >> the >> driver of the double-cab, and then to my absolute joy, looked in my >> mirror >> to see every driver behind me doing exactly the same! >> >> The brain-cell-lacker had received his well-earned treatment! I was >> happier >> than Hudders when he passed his board, or at least as happy!! So folks, >> what >> a peachy morning it has been so far. The sun is shining, it's Friday, >> I've >> done my training, Long Tom Roodt is back in the country, there will be a >> lot >> of thirst quenched this weekend, and Sipho Faeces-face Nshlovo is one >> mini-bus short of a taxi! Now that is justice.... >> -- Annette )
Lekker storie om te lees! Max____________________________ "Annette" skryf in boodskap news:c0r09a$cp2$1@ctb-nnrp2.saix.net... > Ek sal nou nie probeer om hierdie verhaal te vertaal nie > This is brilliantly written and I think this guy should be knighted, >>> whoever he is!!! >>> >>> This morning, yours truly, decided to sneak in a pinch of top-secret and >>> highly professional canoe training at Emmerentia dam, before the first >>> farts >>> of sparrows could escape their imprisoning sphincters, and even before >>> the >>> glories-of-mornings of most non-gay South African men could rise to view >>> the >>> possible prospects of 'before work' swims. >>> >>> Yep, I was up and onto that little patch of water before sunrise, >>> tearing >>> around it at record-breaking pace, sneaking in a wee bit of pre-Duzi >>> training, in order to wrestle the crown away from the well slow and soft >>> Martin Dreyer (present Duzi champion, for those of you not in the >>> intellectual canoe mix) next time around. Anyway, the details of my >>> incredible canoe talent are not up for discussion here, but rather what >>> happened on my drive home after the session, in rush hour traffic, and >>> in >>> particular, on Jan Smuts Avenue near to the Old Parktonian sports club >>> around 8am. >>> >>> I was happily chilling in my car, cruising along at about 60kph,in >>> pretty >>> much bumper-to-bumper traffic, with nobody going anywhere any faster, it >>> was >>> simply not an option. Well, not an option for anyone with a brain, with >>> an >>> ounce of logic within their crania, with a drop of sense inside the >>> membranes of their cerebral hemispheres. You'd think that a creature >>> without >>> a brain would equate to a fly or less, a category that includes >>> mosquitoes, >>> stones, anvils and . taxi drivers. Yep,enter Sipho"I'm a dickhead >>> without a >>> brain cell" Nshlovo, driver of a Toyota Hiace* 4 wheels, 1 brake pad, no >>> lights, half a steering wheel, about 30 people inside and 3 >>> masking-taped >>> windows, yep, standard issue for a South African taxi driver. >>> >>> He had more than likely participated in the demonstration march last >>> month >>> with hundreds of other taxi driver idiots protesting about having had >>> their >>> 'vehicles' impounded for not being roadworthy, the rocket-scientists >>> couldn't understand what wasn't roadworthy about a taxi with a bobejaan >>> spanner for a steering wheel, or one without brakes (they reckon a >>> handbrake >>> is just as good as the foot brake pedal). Anyway, my mate Sipho decided >>> things weren't flowing fast enough for him, so started weaving in and >>> out of >>> the traffic, arm hanging out of his window like a baboon's tail hanging >>> from >>> its ringpiece (I'm certain his armpit smelt like a baboon's ringpiece as >>> well, he was sweating like Bruce Fordyce's crack after 90km's on the up >>> run >>> of the Comrades). >>> >>> I heard this aeronautical engineer-like taxi driver coming from about 5 >>> cars >>> back, because everyone was hooting and slamming on brakes to avoid the >>> accident that he was trying his damndest to cause. After he narrowly >>> missed >>> the back of my canoe as he swerved in behind me, I made a stubborn >>> little >>> vow that he DEFINITELY wouldn't be cutting in front of me like that, and >>> so >>> began the fun and games. The bum-wart first tried the standard tactic of >>> intimidation, just gradually cutting me off, in the typical "you'd >>> better >>> slow down and let me in, or I'll crash into you" method. Well, I used >>> the >>> typical "Fack you faeces-brain" tactic, with one hand on the hooter, the >>> other pointing straight at him, with my foot firmly on the accelerator, >>> until he backed down like Mike Catt had done in 1995 when Jonah Lomu ran >>> straight over him. This had a snowball effect, which had me chuckling >>> the >>> whole way back to my humble abode. Syphilis-face then decided to put all >>> his >>> well acquired driving skill to the test, and adopted the smartest >>> technique >>> of them all, the "Eish, I weel ovah-take on the wrong side" method, one >>> that >>> sadly has caused numerous accidents in the past, including the untimely >>> death of one of our awesome mates, Mike Short, a year ago. >>> >>> This made old Maccatini madder than a spitting cobra, with a red hot >>> cactus >>> lodged up its rectum. No skin off the facking taxi drivers nose, he just >>> accelerated more, and tried to cut in front of the double-cab in front >>> of >>> me, this after he had hooted at me and showed me a middle finger >>> accompanied >>> with a few swearwords, something that made me want to beat him harder >>> than >>> Campbell hit the boy who stabbed him repeatedly with a pen all those >>> years >>> ago! >>> >>> Well, the fella in front of me had obviously also been observing the >>> proceedings, and likewise refused to let Sipho Dickdribble Nshlovo in, >>> so >>> the acceleration by the monkey continued, while he tried his hardest to >>> outstare the double-cab driver. Sadly for the nuclear physicist, the >>> emergency lane was shortly going to end, with a solid stone pavement to >>> mark >>> its ending. More sadly for him was the fact that he, and his 30-odd >>> passengers were all trying their damndest to "intimidate by staring" >>> myself >>> and the double-cab man, instead of watching the road ahead something >>> that >>> most brain-owners do when driving). >>> >>> I saw it coming, and was smiling my full-tusk smile even before they >>> hit!! >>> >>> Anal-bum-wart hit that pavement at about 70kph, 31 passengers bumped >>> their >>> heads on the roof of the hi-ace in poetic unison, adding an extra 31 >>> dents >>> to the already-facked minibus, and the two front wheels were ripped off >>> the >>> chassis as the bus slid to a delightful halt. >>> >>> Thankfully no passengers were hurt, which made it the most fantastic >>> thing >>> to witness, sadly though, Sipho, arm still hanging out of the window, >>> was >>> also unscathed. However, his car was more facked than that prostitute at >>> PE >>> harbour named Deloris, and his mood was somewhat down-trodden. I hooted >>> and >>> made sure he got the full-frontal of my biggest-ever super smile, as did >>> the >>> driver of the double-cab, and then to my absolute joy, looked in my >>> mirror >>> to see every driver behind me doing exactly the same! >>> >>> The brain-cell-lacker had received his well-earned treatment! I was >>> happier >>> than Hudders when he passed his board, or at least as happy!! So folks, >>> what >>> a peachy morning it has been so far. The sun is shining, it's Friday, >>> I've >>> done my training, Long Tom Roodt is back in the country, there will be a >>> lot >>> of thirst quenched this weekend, and Sipho Faeces-face Nshlovo is one >>> mini-bus short of a taxi! Now that is justice.... >>> > > > -- > Annette > ) >
Is dit waarom jy graag saam met Afrikaners op die nuusgroep verkeer? Besef jy hou f. onnosel jy voorkom my ou - wys jou hoe dom 'n ingelsman is.
Is Raider at it again. Ja jong hierdie bombevokte engelssprekende gedrog wat probleme het met sy ma moet jy maar net ignoreer. "Jonas" skryf in boodskap news:c0tkir$sm6$1@ctb-nnrp2.saix.net... > Is dit waarom jy graag saam met Afrikaners op die nuusgroep verkeer? > Besef jy hou f. onnosel jy voorkom my ou - wys jou hoe dom 'n ingelsman is. >